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What is counselling?
"There are always other options, even when it seems like there aren't."
So, you are considering seeing a counsellor or a psychotherapist …
Or maybe not, but I will assume that you are.
And most likely you are a bit confused, especially if you haven't been to a counsellor
before. Is this what you really need? … How to choose between different counsellors? … How
does it work? … Does it work? … What happens in the sessions? …
It's quite likely that even the terms 'counsellor' and 'psychotherapist' are
confusing to you: What's the difference? … What exactly do they do? …
This last one is quite easy to answer because in general there is not
much difference. Some people call themselves therapists and some call themselves
counsellors, but what they do is very similar - if not the same.
Further down on this page you will find short answers to some practical questions
regarding my work as a counsellor, and I will say a few more words about those terms there.
But back to the beginning - most likely the prospect of actually going and meeting a counsellor,
a complete stranger, and telling him about your life, your struggles, your thoughts
and feelings, is also somewhat scary. How much can you reveal to this person? ... How can you
trust him? ... What if you don't like him? ... What if he doesn't like you? ... And - will it help?
OK, let me try to answer some of these questions.
And I would like to start by saying that I compare going to psychotherapy or counselling to going to a
journey to an unknown land. The journey may be short or long, relatively easy or unexpectedly difficult, but you don't know what
to expect and what will await you in this unknown land. No-one knows.
Only one thing is sure - this
journey will change you.
And this journey has already begun … otherwise you wouldn't be reading this.
I would also compare my role as a therapist to being both your guide and a fellow traveller - I try to guide
you on your personal journey towards more freedom, more choice, more satisfaction from living, better self-understanding.
I have perhaps (but not always) a bit more experience in or knowledge about such journeys, but every journey is different
and ultimately it will be you who will make the choices and choose the direction. And in this process I will always learn something from
you as well. I will give my best to make this journey safe and rewarding for you -
and there is certainly relief and joy and new discoveries to be found on the way ... but there can be some pain
and difficult times as well. Without these last ones therapy rarely works and will only 'scratch the surface'
(and I know this very well from my own experience of being a client in therapy).
I have been trained in two different therapeutic approaches - existential and person-centred - which are both based on
a branch of philosophy called phenomenology. You don't really have to know or remember all these different names -
but what might be useful for you to know is that as I believe in phenomenology I also believe that every person
sees the world differently, that everyone of us lives in a different 'reality'.
The famous example of glass
and water is quite illustrative here - one person says that the glass is half full, the other says that it is half
empty - neither of them is 'right' or 'wrong', they just see the same thing differently.
And therefore my task
as a counsellor is not to 'correct' you or your understanding of reality - my task is to help you to
understand better how you live your life in your 'reality', and what (if anything) would you like to correct
or change there yourself.
Both approaches I have studied also stress the importance of the counselling relationship. Long gone (well, almost)
are the times when the therapist would have asked you to lie down on the couch, close your eyes, and to start saying
out loud whatever came into your mind. If you choose to stay in therapy longer the relationship between you and your
therapist starts mirroring more and more some important aspects of your relationships in the outside world - fears,
hopes, attitudes, expectations. And looking at these in the safe, non-judgemental and confidential environment that
therapy can offer can be immensely healing. Therefore it is very important to choose your therapist or counsellor carefully - to
find someone whom you can really trust, someone who is honest, and someone who can be at the same time caring and
also challenging. A therapist who is excessively 'soft' and caring can help you to feel temporarily better but will not
help you to make any significant changes in your life. And a therapist who is completely hidden behind his or her
'therapist mask' and to whom as a person you cannot really relate will not be able to help you much either.
Hopefully what I have said so far has helped you to get a bit clearer picture of what it is I'm offering
and what you can expect.
Below there are some more questions, mostly practical ones, that I have tried to answer.
And if there is something important you would like to know but can't find an answer to on this page please
feel free to contact me either by e-mail or phone.
What will happen in the sessions?
In the sessions we usually talk about anything that you consider important to talk about. I will occasionally use questions, comments and reflections in order to help you to get a clearer picture and better understanding of your experiences, thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I will also draw your attention to what happens between us in the therapy room – the relationship between the client and the counsellor often mirrors in important ways our interactions and relationships in the ‘outside’ world.
Is it confidential?
Everything we talk about in the sessions is confidential - I will not give your name or any information about you to anyone else. In very exceptional circumstances I may have to break my promise of confidentiality, but this will happen only if I believe that someone's personal safety is at great risk and breaking the confidentiality will help to prevent serious harm. Should such a situation arise I will make every effort to discuss the situation with you first.
How long will it go on for?
The counselling I practice is open-ended, the length of the counselling depends on which kind of problems and issues you want to address and explore. Sometimes even 2-3 sessions can be very helpful, sometimes the work continues over many years. Decisions about the length of counselling are usually made jointly by the client and the counsellor, and they can be revised at any time.
When will I feel better?
It depends again on the severity and the nature of your problems and issues. One of the main aims of counselling is to give you more choice and more clarity in your life, and this doesn’t usually happen overnight. Sometimes talking to the counsellor about one’s difficulties can bring immediate relief, but there can also be periods during the counselling when many unpleasant experiences or feelings, like sadness, anger, vulnerability or confusion, surface. At those difficult times we will usually focus on helping you to cope with those experiences and to use them for your personal growth.
Which problems are appropriate for counselling?
Anything that concerns you or anything that you would like to understand better. For example:
Anxiety
Career choices
Confusion or uncertainty
Depression
Identity issues
Loss and trauma
Meaning of life
Relationships
Sex and sexuality
Spirituality
Stress
There are no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ issues to talk about in counselling.
Sometimes you may have a very specific problem which would be better addressed by a specialist in that particular area – we can discuss this in the first session and try to find a best solution for you.
How often are sessions?
Usually we meet for 50 minutes once a week,
alternative
arrangements are also possible.
What is the difference between counselling and psychotherapy?
There is no significant difference between counselling and psychotherapy – some people call what
they do counselling and other people call the same thing psychotherapy. Neither of them is a
medical treatment and neither of them is usually practiced by medical practitioners. The main
difference between counselling and psychotherapy here in UK is that psychotherapists have often
had longer training than counsellors.
There are also some historical reasons why there are
two different terms - until 1950s the term 'psychotherapy' meant only psychoanalytic therapy
practiced by the people with medical training and degrees, and when the new approaches to psychotherapy
started to emerge (and didn't require their practicioners to be medical doctors) some of them
preferred to use the old term 'psychotherapy' while some of them decided to use a new term 'counselling'.
What if I don’t like counselling or my counsellor?
After you have contacted me we will arrange for the first meeting which we can both use for deciding whether we want to work together.
If there is anything you are not sure about or feel not comfortable with you can address these issues with me in this first session.
As the effectiveness of the counselling depends very much on the quality of the relationship between the client and the
counsellor it is sometimes a good idea to meet with two or three different counsellors before choosing the one who seems to best
suit with your needs and personality.
If during the further sessions you feel not quite satisfied with the counselling or me as a counsellor I encourage you to bring your concerns up in the session so that we can try to find the best possible solution for you.
As a member of BACP I have to abide by our organisation's ethical and professional guidelines – if you think that some of my actions have been profoundly unprofessional or unethical you can make a complaint directly to BACP. Some questions and answers to explain this procedure can be found here: http://www.bacp.co.uk/prof_conduct/faq.php
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News
Society for Existential
Analysis discussion groups
"Martin Heidegger: Authenticity -
discovering the world in my
own way"
How do I know when I'm
authentic and when I'm not?
Is being authentic 'better'
than being inauthentic?
12 March 2010, 7-9pm.
Venue: New School of
Psychotherapy and Counselling
Open to everyone!
More info »
BookshelfBooks from the bookshelf
are now in the 'Books,
articles, audio' section
of my website - all
nicely together.
And you will find some
useful mindfulness
exercises there as well!
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